Butterflies in Flower and Willows

Made by music_chic

Typical day. Typical work.

An hour late though. XP Manager wasn't happy with me, but I didn't bump into her until later, so...I was fine.

I ended up putting frames out all day though. XP

Off to take care of homework and junk XP

I visited Grandma after the ucky ucky dentist appointment.

At the dentist, the nurse that took care of me reminded me of Miyabi/Chrno. XD She was so nice to me. ^-^;;; Wootles.

Then I went to visit Grandma after talking to Miyabi some...That...was depressing. I hate nursing homes, I really do. XP A bunch of lonely elderly people needing help and company. XP

Plus Grandma has alzheimers so...

Ugh. Anyway, off to post in my half an hour before I take pictures of Jerry's kids.

LOKI SAMA CAME DOWN HERE LAST NIGHT! OH SQUEE!

It roxxered so much. We met her at Meijers, though we had to wait awhile. Me and Kira were already planning on going out and about anyway. Then she sent me an IM right before I logged off, telling me she was 15 minutes away and she would meet us at the meijers.

Gah. *intelligible sound of orgasmic happiness*

Anyway, we went down to city center, finding it was just closing. So instead we just walked around the mall holding hands. XD that was around 7, then we went back to the car and drove past the Chamber and Garden, Kira giving up showing her the sex shops because we couldn't find a spot to park at. So to waste time, we went to the Polaris mall until 9. Finding nothing to do there really, we continued on, planning on going to Barnes and Noble, then glanced behind us and there was Amanda and Shannyn. *twitches*
All night, me and Abby had really been ourselves, flirting, having fun, being like we were together agian, with Loki though. lol And then they show up directly behind us. Kira floors it, cause it's rather creepy that we had recieved like three phone calls from Shannyn's cell phone, then Amanda in her car with her shows up directly behind us at B&N.

This amused yet seemed to creep Loki out as well. O.o it was rather odd. >_< So we panic and drive on, and when we pass again, their looking through the B&N parking lot for Kira's car. >_< Well, we decide, we'll head on to the movie. Though we were VERY jumpy until the beginning of it.

GOD is Brokeback Mountain HOT! Any yaoi fan should see it. *Drools* *unintelligible orgasmic sound of happiness* The rough sex in the tent, the fooling around, the...numminess.
Cowboytentbuttsex! Fishing has a whole new meaning.
but to warn anyone, it's DEPRESSING. Kira was crying and Loki did a bit. I was the male at the time, lol, so I didn't cry. o.o; lol

After that we got out at 12, didn't realize the movie was that long, and went ot eat at Steak and Shake. It was WONDERFUL to eat food, even if I was exhausted. We then planned to take Loki home wiht one of us for the night so she could leave the next morning. But after she went to get gas, she drove off. O.o I'm waiting for word from her to let me know whether she followed another car thinking it was ours, or what. o.o; Wish she had told us if she was leaving. She may have thought we lost, but we were parked close.

At the end of the night, before I was dropped off, it was decided that me and Kira are officially back together. Here that Lok's? XD You put us back together. I think we can work if we keep our parents out of the equation! We don't let them in, let them figure them out, and work our problems out between the two of us, not with the parents, THEN each other. That...didn't work. Plus, we have a few things. I want to sit down and talk to her about it, we can look at both sides and say what we feel we need in the relationship, not from each other persay, cause that causes problems. o.o

Anyway, yes. I'm taken again! XD

Though, when I got up and went to class today, it SUCKED. Because we ended up yelled at by the teacher for not reading all our plays. (I only managed to read one full play myself, and just managed to start the other.) And ended up talking about female equality. He rocks because he's for female equality, and homosexual equality. But the conversation just made me hate the governement more. This is why I don't pay attention to the politics, it makes me want to move away from America. Or...something. >_<

JUST BECAUSE I LIKE GIRLS DOES NOT MAKE ME NOT EQUAL TO ANY OTHER WOMAN OR MAN!!!!!

*twitches and falls over*

Anyway, off to get a shower and maybe pick up a bit of my room and post to rpgs before my dentist appointment at 3:15. EW.

Talked to Shannyn a bit, She wants to possibly get together. O.o

http://photobucket.com/albums/v307/GureSensei/Dollfie/Hiromi/

There's the pictures I promised. Hiromi in her unpainted yet glory. ^-^

(Damnit, photobucket made most of them blurry, except for one that was already blurry, by shrinking them >_<)

At the moment I'm asking my aunt who makes doll clothes about making clothing for Hiromi, and Holden. But Hiromi first, with Akito's yukata...Shigure's editors suit...Misa's outfit...Mima's outfit from Perfect Blue, L from Deathnote, and hide's black outfit. XD hehehehe.

She shall cosplay with me. It will be most fun with the editor being dressed as Shigure-sensei. *dances about* Plus I got some sleep!

She gets bored, makes a character, and begins to argue with it on what to name it. Thus scaring off most characters as every now and then it's outloud. O.o

Me: Let's see...Kenden
Character: ...I don't want to be Ken. Ken isn't with other boy dolls anyway.
Me: Fine then, Kagen. Wait, I have one. um...Benden.
Character: THAT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A PORN STAR!
ME: *snickering outloud* Benden Ovier. XD
Character: NO.

Thus went the morning. Thus went my grammar. Thus went my sanity.

I'm going to sleep. X.x (I just got home.)

Hiromi got her hair and eyes today!! I'll post pictures up later!

...Holden meanwhile, is up a creek. He has eyes, but no head. No hair. No clothes that fit. He's in ill-fitting clothing, and hates me for now.

Hiromi's too shy to hate me. ^_^

I've caught dollfie fever! XD ehehehe.

Today sucked. I mean, sucked.

I woke up late, so I had to rush to class. I was lucky I got there when I did. Fifteen minutes late, they were watching Othello. Now I never read, or watched Othello before. Which meant I was kind of guessing what would happen. However, at the end where Othello, thinking his wife had been cheating on him, killed the other, then himself, I ended up sobbing, and having to leave the room, getting weird looks from everyone. No, I'm not that easily effected by movies. @_@

After I got out of there I had to head directly to work, which sucked. Crying and having to go where you last say the person you were crying about is a bit hard. So, I managed to get there, I sat in the systems office, hiding behind things so people couldn't see me, crying.

Then, finding I couldn't pick up the equipment I need, I went into the back. My manager, Lori, and APC Josh, which is a step down from Lori, were both gone at the time I got in. I was approached by the manager of the whole General Merchandise in the crowded back room, who was swearing up a storm... demanding to know where the rest of my crew was, who was still here, who left, who was taking care of what department, and pissed off that I didn't know. Then he storms off, pages me over the system, and asks me the same. Luckily this time Dawn, a coworker was there, who KNEW what was going on. I was able to get info back and forth.

It was maybe another ten minutes that he paged me again. By that time, I was dreading the call. But he apologized for yelling at me saying I was the last one he wanted to yell at. In fact, if he had a choice, of my team he would only keep me, Fred, and Josh around. o.o Well, at least I have job security?

So all the managers, because of the recent death of Jerry, tend to see me as an equal now. I was there for them, they were there for me, we're bonded. o.o WEll, they were all treating me as a manager, and such today, and I don't think I can handle it. I've had two panic attacks in the four hours I was there. Trying to work out frames as well, twitching, feeling like screaming.

Then I go to take care of the boxes, and Mark, the guy at work who is obsessively asking me to go out with him, bothers me. He follows me around the store for some reason usually. I have to face the manager about it tomorrow. XP But he asked me out again, I've told him I have a girlfriend, that I don't like guys, many things along this line...but nope. o.o Doesn't seem to listen to me. I Told him no to the date, but he kept begging me. So...not to mention that he's 16-25 years older than me and watching ot see when I'm in...he's creepy.

So that just peaked everything. I found Kira when she got in, and practically broke down on her, hugging her and refusing to let go, telling her all this, the whole time my voice getting faster and more urgent. Luckily, I was about to go home.

Getting here was nuts, but now that I'm home I feel the slightest bit better. At least I have a friend to listen to.

One of the men I worked with, left this world on the 11th. He took his own life in a field, after seeming to have planned this quite a bit. How much he prepared shows how much he was waiting for it. Whether if was for revenge against his wife who cheated on him, or just despair I don't know.

I wasn't as good of a friend with him as I wished I had been, but I knew him. That's enough to mourn his loss. He was a great man, and I have grieved and been numb since the day I found out he had killed himself.

However.

My grief has turned to anger now, and I will forgive him once I'm over it. How can you do it? How can you take your life and leave behind so many others? Don't get me wrong, I've considered it many times over. So I'm not saying I don't understand the emotions involved, that final moment where you feel like if you don't end it it won't ever end.

But he has one daughter that's almost a year, another that's 4. How can you leave those two little girls without a dad? How can you leave the woman who doesn't want the children, the children? What kind of life will that be for a child? How will it feel when their adults and they find out 'Mommy didn't want you, but daddy killed himself so she had to take you in." He talked about them so often, I don't see how he could leave them behind, leave them without his guidance and kindness.

It makes me appreciate my parents much more. I love my father and mother, though we may not get along. My mom isn't as worried about me. I see this...pain. What Jerry caused by leaving this world, and I realize more than ever that I can't do it. I can't take myself out. Who am I to cause that much pain to anyone I love or care about? Who am I to end my life and leave them here to suffer? I wouldn't wish for them to die as well, though. I would want them to live on, and though I may be nothing but trouble and bills sometimes, they love me anyway. It's something I'm thankful for. Later, I'll head out and get a picture of the headstone, at least, for my own interest. I'll miss him, but I don't think I'll miss him as much as Joe.

So, in final words to Jerry...

Jerry, I don't understand fully why you did it, why you left your children behind. But I'll miss you, I'll be there for your family as much as possible, like you wanted people to. I wish you could have seen the amount of people who missed you, the funeral home so full to the point where it was standing room, couches, other chairs pulled in so people could sit. The huge amount of people to say good-bye. I wish you could have seen Joe's tears, heard Joe's cracking voice as he told us all to go home and tell our loved ones we loved them, and make sure we can say good-bye, because it hurts.
But maybe you did. Maybe you were there the whole time, unable to comfort them. Did you see your daughters, confused to why their mom couldn't stop crying? Your four year old saying 'He's gone. He's gone.' Saturday at the viewing?
Though you've left pain, I wish you peace. I will miss you, always, and hope that you will be here to help Joe and the others through the pain that you caused in your pain. Please, help comfort your brother, and keep Heather from following the path you took. Your children need one parent.

*squeals like a little monkey*

http://www.theonenetwork.com/movies/Happy_Feet/6043/Trailer_300.html

I have to get it out somewhere, don't I?

Ever since Jerry, my manager at work killed himself, the whole store has been depressed. He's touched many lives, done alot. But, I feel selfish. Extremely selfish.

If I look at it, I see how many people are crying, and really upset that he's gone. You can't walk the store without seeing someone crying in the backroom, or trying to work really hard not to think of it.

...I Don't think that many people would be upset if I was to kill myself.
Yes, my mom and dad, Amanda, Shannyn, Abby...Perhaps a few online friends when they somehow found out, which would be difficult. But who else really knows me to be that upset about it? How much would they really cry over it?

I feel so fucking selfish and stupid, but it's a sad fact. It almost drives me to do it. It's an incredibly lonely feeling to think not many people would miss you.
But I don't have the courage to do it. I don't have the ability. I would want a quick death,and I don't have anything to do it with. No guns, nothing that would just 'boom' you're gone.
So, though I consider it, and at this point, I would, because I'm a coward that way...I can't do it. I can't even really face my parents about it. I just want to disappear, I Want to...it feels like I wasn't meant to have lived this long.

I can't picture myself as much older, it almsot feels like I have until mid-college, then...I'll die or something. Like I wasn't meant to live alone, I wasn't meant to move out of the house. but that's the only way I would ever kill myself.

I can't afford a gun.

Maybe that's why I keep spending my money.

My parents have gone to Florida as of now. O.o I have a house to myself for a week. Found out today that my manager thought Ig ot the time off and the only way I got on the schedule this week was by asking her about the schedule dropping in while shopping today.

O.o;;; I could have had a week off. DAMNIT! I COULD HAVE BEEN IN FLORIDA!!

But still, I'll have a week to myself in this house. I'll have to figure out what to do. I have tomorrow and Thurs off...let's see...I have the day my parents get back off. *sweatdrop* Eh. Maybe I'm just not supposed to do much this week?

I want to misbehave! Well, i'll post later. I want to read and finish my rp posts!

..that rock

http://www.spicytuna.net/wp/media/?mid=111

Zenji frowned in concern, especially as they made it out. He wanted to make the pain stop, but he couldn't. Instead he stood helplessly, knowing he couldn't touch her, he couldn't stop it, he could only stand there. Though the yelp made him turn to see where she was looking, and frowned.
Deo merely glanced with a smirk. Though he enjoyed men, he had these two to concern with. He would leave it to Rayne.
His eyes widened slightly at the statement, frowning at the statements. This could only be one of the tormentors, glorious. Glancing back towards the h ouse, he was tempted to go back into the house, the living area that was no doubt decaying by now. Yet, that would be where he would have a fight. Where he could fight back, rather than against these dead souls. A shudder went down his spine at the smirk, twitching. "I'm not interested in playing, thank you, i have things of more concern." He stated with a yelp as he was pulled behind the other, rubbing his wrist at the heat from Rayne, staring at the red mark with wide eyes. She was still in pain and...Stepping forward he stepped to the side of her, not looking at her again. "What do you want?" He demanded, narrowing his eyes.


http://www.misfile.com/index.php?page=207

I went out to party tonight, I'll have to upload the pictures. It wasn't much, just an after work thing.
If Josh were a girl, I'd so molest him. Many times.
Problem is the him.
I wanted to take Kira or Ann or Kyo with me, but all three were busy. Kira and Ann are at work, at Meijer, carpooling. I get to talk to Kira tonight after work though, don't know if I'll get any sleep. I've learned that with less than four hours sleep, you can be wide awake. O.o;;;
Kyo went to Easton with Shelli to find 'taxis'. You'll understand if you're important enough. lol ^-^ Or at least, i'll tell you if you are. ^-^
Anyway, I resorted to bringing Kyle with me, and he was glad to come I guess. I offered and he started putting on his shoes. I love the fact my brother loves me. ^_^
Once there, I met with Carol and stuff, and when Josh arrived...in all black like me...^-^ Noone else is dressed like us...^_^ We sat and talked the whole time. Josh and his girlfriend. I've only heard negative things about her, but she's cool. She's just a little unattractive in my opinion. ;)
I found out the guy who asked me out is really about 50, lives with his parents and collects hot wheel cars. O.o;;;; Er. Eek. No. >_<
Besides, I have my mistress and Kira. lol who needs some old lonely guy. Josh helps me out so much. I wish I could have gone to that goth club with him. But he knows good places for me to go, and I will make him give me a cd of his. *nod nod* MUST. Hang. OUT. WITH HIM.
...and steal his clothing to ear.

Other than that, I've been busy with work and friends.
Even my yaoi mistress is coming down to visit next weekend. *celebrates* I can't wait! I dunno what the hell we're going to do, mall hop after I get off work? *stares* But I will enjoy that weekend XD ahahahahaha
But yes, I shall go off and post and download songs for my cds now. ^-^
Post tomorrow possibly!

*stares* I think I was asked out by a guy at work today.

I just got back together with my gf, Kira.

O.o I like girls.

I don't know if he knows that. O.o Erm, this will be interesting. I agreed to it, thinking of it as just friends hanging out...so I think I shall continue actling like I jsut think it's that.'

Yes, I don't like him like that cause he's a him, and he's much older. At least 10 years. He's gray! AGH! With a beard! EW!

Anyay, off to find my glasses and get ready for my IA Christmas Party!

Wish me luck away from food poisioning! (Ugh, pizza hut. I shall die of grease intake.)

Because of Miss Caillen, I will say on here. ^-^ I will have to start updating this once more. XD

However, for now I'm trying to download things, and post and eat and put together a CD...so I'll update on here more later!

Love ya all!

Probably not tonight, work at 3am tomorrow.

Hi. Sleepy. Update tomorrow after I call and talk to Loki.

I get to talk to Loki!

LOKI!

*squeals*

>.> <.< I wish it was snowing.

It's 82! BLEGH. TOO. Hot. For. The. Ave.

*dies of overheatedness*
I hope I can last through class tonight. *looks to ceilling* LET them have air conditioning!